This Black Friday...

Is going to SUCK!

    But I figure 18 hours of standing in the cold is worth a new laptop. All I'm saying is that no one better get in my way. Instead of slowing me down, my ten layers of clothing only give me physics defying momentum. Once I get moving I'm basically unstoppable. I don't care if you're in your nineties and are using a stroller, I will push past you so fast, and won't even think twice about it. Why you even need anything from Black Friday is beyond me. I thought you were against technology. Oh don't give me that smirk, I get it. You just need a laptop to surf the net and connect to your friends... All five of them. And maybe that webcam is finally going to give you the exposure you need to become the star you were always meant to be.

(taken from your actual living room)

That large bright screen won't hurt your eyes and the 500GB hard drive has plenty of room to squeeze in your vinyls and pitures from the Civil War. I'm sure you also have some videos that you would like to edit, because let's face it, your Apple from the 1980's isn't going to cut it. But then again, you're still using one of these:

Actually, you know what, I'm sorry. You obviously need this laptop more than I do. I should stop being so selfish and think about somebody else for a change. Maybe there is a lesson for all of us here: We stand in the cold itching to spend our hard earned cash, and forget how to treat other people as human beings. Maybe if we let other people have what we want, something else might come that is even better than what we thought we wanted.  When did we forget how to love our neighbor and treat others with dignity and respect? If the whole world saw what I have seen today, would wars still be fought? Would the world be a better place to live in?

                                                                                       ...

                                              "NOW! What are you waiting for, Dmitrious--push her down!

                                                Forget about her stroller, come on!
                                                GO GO GO! We've got laptops to buy!"